Wednesday, June 24, 2009

This is It!

It's official.

The 30s can suck it. I am totally done with them.

Today, I turn 40. I just got back from a walk with my two favorite gals, which gave me a little quiet time to think about this whole 4-0 thing.

I was thinking of different milestones-

Turning 10. Which I don't even remember. As if I was a different person then. Because I was a kid. So therefore, yeah, I kind of was a different person. A kid person, as opposed to a bonafide adult. 10 barely counts. I don't remember thinking 10 was anything monumental. Other than it just being another one of my birthdays, which was always a little monumental!

Turning 20. I remember just wishing it was 21. That seemed like a much cooler age to be. But by 20 I had already met Fermin. I was in college. I sorta knew where life was heading. I thought I knew way more than I actually did.

Turning 30. I remember this one pretty well. I remember thinking the 20s were behind me, and my youth was fading away. I laid in bed until noon, got up and looked in a hand held mirror at any wrinkles or blemishes I had. I thought, "I've already got some problems here, and there's only more to come." But the 30s were pretty good. In fact, my early 30s were pretty great. But Mom died when I was 36, and that woke me up to the idea that people I love in this life are not always going to be around. I started thinking a lot more about mortality. I don't think those thoughts ever crossed my mind in my 20s.

And today. Turning 40. Maybe I can more easily assess it once I'm looking back on it. For now, it sounds old. It doesn't feel old though. And I don't even realize that I'm looking older over the years because I look in the mirror everyday. The changes are so gradual I barely realize it's happening. Until I look at someone in one of those younger age brackets. Or overhear one of them talking to their friends. Then it becomes clear that yes, they are very young, and I am not.

I don't think turning 40 feels great. And, I don't think it feels all that bad. Turning 40 didn't really just happen in a day. It's taken me years-40 to be exact- to get here.

One day, I hope to be 80. I hope it all happens so gradually that it just sorta sneaks up on me like 40 has.

(And by the way, I looked up the term "middle age" to see exactly what age that refers to. I found out, I've still got 5 years to go before I am middle aged.)

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