Friday, June 27, 2008


Today I played at a very, very cool place called Motopia. It's a bike shop (motorcycle) with a cafe. But it is NOT what you might imagine. It is NOT a "biker bar". I didn't wear leather pants, I didn't get a tattoo before I showed up, and no one referred to me as their HogBitch. I didn't see anyone that looked like they belonged in a biker gang either. Instead, Motopia is a modern, European coffeehouse that also has food. It has a very "lounge-y" look, and they have Wi-Fi there, so there seem to be lots of business types there on their computers. It also has a glass wall that divides the cafe from the area where they work on bikes. It's a very unique place.

Channel 8 news happened to be doing a story on Motopia while I played today. Eventually, the reporter came over to me and said, "Um, we're doing a story on Motopia today and I'd like you to play something with more of a driving beat- I'm thinking "Barracuda"- Can you play "Barracuda"?"

Ok, I LOVE Heart! When I was a young girl, I was very inspired by them- I loved it that WOMEN where the leaders of this band. I owned all of there albums. And I've played some of their songs even. But BARRACUDA??? Is that me? At all?

So, no. I didn't play Barracuda. Or Magic Carpet Ride. Or Born to Be Wild. That might have fit right into the whole Biker Bar mentality. And if that reporter thought that was fitting, I think we viewed the place quite differently.

Coincidentally, this afternoon, after I returned home, I flipped on "Ellen". Josh Grobin was on and he and Ellen played Guitar Hero together. And guess what song they played????

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Thirty Nine and Feeling FINE

I am so mature these days. I'm older, I'm wiser and I am not trying to hide or deny my age anymore. I'm 39 today. I've got one more solid year in my flirty thirties!

I can remember when I turned 30 and I stayed in bed until about 11, then got up and looked in the mirror at my little bitty wrinkles and thought, "I am so old". What the hell was I thinking? I was a child then.

Then when I turned 35 I remember thinking, "Oh my- I am just as close to 50 as I am to 20 now." And that really wigged me out.

Well, this year all I have to say is, "Lord-Y, look who still isn't 40!" No, as you can guess I've got much more to say than just that.

When I was a young girl (younger than I am now even!), I thought that once I was well into my 30's (VERY well) I would have life all figured out. I wouldn't be concerned for what anyone else thought of me. I'd be a WOMAN, and you'd be able to hear me ROAR. I seriously thought that.

Of course I don't have it all figured out, as I naively thought I might by the wise age of 39- but what I understand now that I didn't way back when is that I don't even want to have it figured out! I think if and when that time ever comes, well... time just might be up! And although I still care probably too much about what others think of me, I mostly care about what I think of me.

Overall, 39 feels just as young as 29. Well, okay, just as young as 32. Since I'm married to the man I started dating when I was only 19 (TWENTY YEARS AGO!), and we've looked at each other daily, we haven't noticed each other's aging. So hey, it's sort of like I'm still 19! I'm purring, not quite roaring yet, but I think I'm getting there. Although still a little unsure of myself, I think I'm gaining not just in years, but in assuredness.

I feel mighty fine about his number 39, as a matter of fact! Life is still sprawled way out in front of me. I still feel like the world is my playground. I still feel young- very young in fact. And maybe I AM a little more comfortable in this skin each year. Maybe the wrinkles have loosened things up and I'm starting to feel more comfortable... And I know now, that in a few years I'll think back to this day and think, "What was I thinking? I was just a child then...."

Monday, June 23, 2008

Grandfathers I Never Knew

My mom died when I was 35, and obviously, I felt a little ripped off. I expected to have my mom in my life for much longer than that.

The other day while I was at lunch with my dad and some friends, it came up that he lost his dad at a very young age. My dad said he can remember being called out of class when he was in junior high school, and being told that his dad had suffered a fatal heart attack. His dad was in his 40s.

As a kid, I just knew that I never had a grandfather. (My mom's dad had also died when she was just a teenager, and he too was in his 40s) I knew that sounded like a really young age to die, and I knew my parents were just kids when they lost their parents.

But it seemed I was taking in this information as an adult for the first time just the other day when my dad talked about it a little at lunch. I can't imagine how my dad must have felt... And how my aunt, who is my dad's big sister, must have felt. And how sad and scary it must have been for my grandmother to be widowed at such a young age. Talk about ripped off!

I didn't ask my dad a lot of questions (yet) because like I said, we were at lunch with some friends. But I will. I realize now that my mom is no longer around, that maybe I've lost some of her history already by not asking her those same questions to her. The very little I've heard about their dad's as a kid barely sticks with me now. It was hard to connect to it back then and I guess I didn't feel a loss over men I never knew. But as an adult, I can now feel empathy for my mom and dad, and their families over that kind of loss. Because now I've had my own experience with loss.

And I want to know about my grandfathers. Because altho I never knew them, I would've really liked to.

Monday, June 16, 2008

My Father's (Birth)Day

My Dad turned 70 this weekend, and it also happened to be Father's Day.

We had a last minute surprise party for him. We invited about 25 of his closest and oldest friends. We called them up about a week prior to the date. Other than those that were out-of-town, every one made a great effort and showed up, promptly at the specified time to yell out, "Surprise!" as the Guest of Honor walked in to his big bash this past Saturday night.

We pulled off another surprise party for him ten years ago. That time we captured the big moment of his surprise on video so it's quite evident he was pretty shocked. It was so goofy, and so funny. Seeing someone so caught off guard in a great moment is such a fun thing to witness. But I think he had a few sneaking suspicions this time around.

Maybe he got a few extra birthday phone calls the day before the party, even from some who don't normally remember the birthdate. Maybe he just expected some bit of fan fair as he rolled into another big decade. I'm not sure what gave it away, but it didn't seem to be such a shocking surprise.

But still GREAT. We had two big tables full of faces from his present and past- All people that love Dad.

I not only loved his party and seeing all those people, but I even sorta liked making those phone calls when I invited his friends. It's wonderful to be told by others what a great guy your dad is- I was literally exhausted from it after my hours worth of phone calls.

Happy Birthday, and Happy Father's Day, DAD!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Bigger, Faster, Stronger

This weekend I saw the documentary showing at the Magnolia called "Bigger, Faster, Stronger" or "Harder, Bigger, Louder", or something to that general effect. You get the idea. It's about steroid use in America and why we as a nation are so drawn to enhancements.

It's hard to find a documentary that seems as un-biased as this one. The film maker who conducts different interviews and provides the commentary is from a middle-class American family. He and his two brothers grew up idolizing iconic figures like Arnold, Sylvester Stallone, and Hulk Hogan. As kids they thought, "I want to be just like HIM!" So when they finally found out these real life super-heroes used steroids to rise and stay (at least for a while) at the top, they decided it only made since to do the same. The film maker no longer uses steroids, but his brothers still do. He's not judging those that do, he's just trying to shine the light on all sides of it. Both from those who advocate and oppose.

It was so interesting. Most steroid users aren't athletes or bulky movie stars, as you may suspect, but instead just average gym rats. But it's interesting to wonder why people who don't "have" to use steroids in order to compete do it- And, is steroid use really any different than other things that help people do better at what they want to excel in? For instance, many public speakers use beta blockers to be more poised during their shining moments. Ultimately, isn't that really the same thing?

There was one scene in the movie where the mother of these three men find out about their past steroid use (or at least the one who was willing to admit that he USE to do it) and she is so saddened by the whole thing. Saddened to try to figure out how come they didn't feel like they were "good enough" as they came, in their original package.
It made me sad too. Sad because I know lots of people who clearly must not feel good enough. There are all types of enhancements people use to make statements. And steroids is just one.

I complain about some of my own "parts",but ultimately, that's what Mom and Dad gave me, and really I AM good enough.

As long as I don't look at women in magazines, on tv, in movies, and sort of most places around Dallas.

Monday, June 2, 2008

"Try Being More Creative"

I was just updating my website thru Dreamweaver. Very simple stuff. I just put my June calendar up, and updated my opening page. Same thing I do at the beginning of each month.

After I hit the button to "push" the new stuff out into the cyber-universe I had an error message, and after the error message number it stated, "Try Being More Creative". What kind of an error message it that? I've never, ever seen that as an error message before. And it just seemed so weird for my computer to be judging me like that. When it comes to Dreamweaver, I know only enough to get by. If I want to get creative, I gotta get in touch with my web designer! Or if I really want to get creative, I need to get OFF the computer!

But the cyber-universe spoke, and it told me to get more creative. So I sort of shook my computer a little, pleaded with it, "C'MON!!!!", and tried pushing it through again.

And THAT was apparently creative enough for today. Yay. And now, I need to get off the computer...