Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Thirty Nine and Feeling FINE

I am so mature these days. I'm older, I'm wiser and I am not trying to hide or deny my age anymore. I'm 39 today. I've got one more solid year in my flirty thirties!

I can remember when I turned 30 and I stayed in bed until about 11, then got up and looked in the mirror at my little bitty wrinkles and thought, "I am so old". What the hell was I thinking? I was a child then.

Then when I turned 35 I remember thinking, "Oh my- I am just as close to 50 as I am to 20 now." And that really wigged me out.

Well, this year all I have to say is, "Lord-Y, look who still isn't 40!" No, as you can guess I've got much more to say than just that.

When I was a young girl (younger than I am now even!), I thought that once I was well into my 30's (VERY well) I would have life all figured out. I wouldn't be concerned for what anyone else thought of me. I'd be a WOMAN, and you'd be able to hear me ROAR. I seriously thought that.

Of course I don't have it all figured out, as I naively thought I might by the wise age of 39- but what I understand now that I didn't way back when is that I don't even want to have it figured out! I think if and when that time ever comes, well... time just might be up! And although I still care probably too much about what others think of me, I mostly care about what I think of me.

Overall, 39 feels just as young as 29. Well, okay, just as young as 32. Since I'm married to the man I started dating when I was only 19 (TWENTY YEARS AGO!), and we've looked at each other daily, we haven't noticed each other's aging. So hey, it's sort of like I'm still 19! I'm purring, not quite roaring yet, but I think I'm getting there. Although still a little unsure of myself, I think I'm gaining not just in years, but in assuredness.

I feel mighty fine about his number 39, as a matter of fact! Life is still sprawled way out in front of me. I still feel like the world is my playground. I still feel young- very young in fact. And maybe I AM a little more comfortable in this skin each year. Maybe the wrinkles have loosened things up and I'm starting to feel more comfortable... And I know now, that in a few years I'll think back to this day and think, "What was I thinking? I was just a child then...."


GK said...

Does that mean that you're a Cougar now?


JFG said...

At 18 you're baby adult born into a world that you make for yourself. At 39 you're a 21 year old adult, that's why you feel so young.