Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I'm up late. Not feeling like I could possibly go to sleep right now.  I've had these insomnia nights a lot lately.

But tonight, it feels even worse.

I'm just weepy.

And it dawned on me...My mom died today 6 years ago.  I know that date, March 29.  And I know when it's creeping up.  So it's not like it hit me out of nowhere.  But I hadn't made the connection that it was actually toDAY.

But I keep asking myself, "What is up?  Why so gloomy?"  Especially when I've got happy things to think about right now.

And the all of the sudden, I thought, "Well yes, I always get this way around the date Mom died..." but then realized it's more than just around the date- It's March 29th.

It's different now than it was in the beginning of missing her.   With each year that goes by, she seems further away from me.  It's been 6 years since I've seen her face.  Or heard her voice. 

But on lucky days, her spirit still feels a close to me.  Just the other day, while I was running by the lake, thinking about how well certain things are moving along right now, something red zoomed past me.  So fast that for a split second, I thought someone had thrown a red frisbee by my face and just barely missed hitting me.  But I looked over, and it was a Red Cardinal that had nearly brushed my cheek.  And as I've mentioned here before, I always think of Mom when I see a Cardinal.

Maybe Mom tries to touch me.  And speak to me.  Sometimes I can almost hear her...  But I still so miss the physical Mom that I lost 6 years ago.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

My Husband's Ex

This weekend I got to spend a lot of time with my husband's friend, Kelly, and her two great kids, Abby and Ben.
Fermin, Ben, Me, and Abby striking our modeling poses.
I've met Kelly before.  I went to high school with both her and Fermin.  But you know how a big high school is...  I knew who she was, but we never had a class together.

This is the first girl Fermin loved.  (At least that's my interpretation of it.) Before he started dating me-- at the ripe old age of 20!  Kelly and Fermin were friends and then dated in high school.  And they remained friends as they grew up.

When we saw Kelly this weekend, I felt like she was my friend too--instantly.  And her kids!  Oh, her kids!  So fun to be with!

If Kelly lived in Dallas, I'd be lining up another date for us all next week!  But she doesn't.  They live near San Antonio.  But guess what?  It's not that far away, and we're planning a visit soon.

Until then, they left me with some parting gifts that I just L-O-V-E!  
They bought me this T-shirt.  Which is officially my favorite T-shirt.  Ever.
And Abby picked out this super cute juice bottle for me because she knows I love Kitty and guitars!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A Link and a Tune

I realize that the readers of this blog might get sick of my incessant puppy talk as of late.  And so, I decided to start a blog strictly dedicated to the whole puppy search, find, and then life and times.  If you want, and really there's no pressure here, jump over to my new blog called Puppy Tracks

So now onto other stuff, because a world outside of all things puppies does exist.

I performed in my favorite CD store in all of Dallas a couple of weekends ago (CD Source).  My friend, Elaine, was nice enough to record a few tunes with the flip camera, so I'll go ahead and post one here.

This song, "You'll Be Surprised" is on my CD "50 Different Ways".  I wrote it just after hearing the news that Michael Jackson had died, back in the summer of 2009.  I was stunned, and sad, like the rest of the world.  I also felt disappointed in myself that I had sort of written him off as being a weirdo.  He got so much bad press for a while, that it tainted my view, and for a bit, I forgot what a talented man with a loving heart he was.

Dig a little deeper, clear a whole new path
Come up with different question that you've never asked
Look beyond the madness 'cause there's a method to it all
Pay out your attention to the big things and the small

But don't push anything away
And don't put it off for another day
Because you'll be surprised by what you might find
By not casting anything aside...
Oh, you'll be surprised by what you will find

I jumped to my conclusions before gathering the facts
I passed off unfair judgements, now it's too late to take it back
It's only now I see the picture with all it's shades of gray
It's so much more than black and white but now he's gone away

But don't push anything away
And don't put it off for another day
Because you'll be surprised by what you might find
By not casting anything aside...
Oh, you'll be surprised by what you will find

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


Many years ago, my husband and I had a little puppy named Chloe.  She was a Siberian Husky.  And she was a runner.  Sadly, one night during a storm, part of our fence blew down and Chloe ran.  And she was hit by a car.

We knew Chloe needed a buddy, to keep from being lonely in the yard when we were away from the house.  We had planned to get her a companion, but were waiting until my summer vacation.  But that storm came along in the spring, and we never got the chance to get a buddy for Chloe.

The night that Chloe died, we cried all night.  But the very next morning, I grabbed the Dallas Morning News classifieds and found an ad that said "Siberian Husky pups for sale!"  We went and looked at a litter of 9 and picked out the two meant for us- Zoe and Scout.

They weren't ever lonely, like Chloe had been.  And they both lived long and very happy lives.

Now that I'm beginning to think about getting puppies again 15 years later, it seems things have gotten more complicated.

From lots of reading, and visiting a nearby dog park, and asking around, we're pretty sure we know what breed of puppies we want. (Australian Shepherds, in case you're wondering.)

But these days, the newspaper doesn't run nearly as many ads.  Now there's Craigslist, and eBay, and an internet full of breeders.  Many of the breeders ask for deposits before a litter is even born!  Or even conceived!  That seems crazy.

Zoe and Scout didn't have "papers".  And we didn't get them from a professional breeder.  Just a sweet family that happened to breed their husky so they could experience what it was like to have a litter of  puppies.  I think we paid a couple hundred bucks for each of them.  Now that I've read so much on the internet, the warnings of buying a dog from someone other than a reputable breeder are just scary.  "You get what you pay for",  I've read over and over.  Reading that stuff can make you believe that you'll end up with a sickly, troubled mess if you don't pay top dollar to a top breeder.

Sometimes, I start to buy into it.  But then, I remember where Zoe and Scout came from.  And how healthy, happy and sweet they were.  As the Visa commerial says...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Spring Blossoms

Thank you, Spring Blossoms, for the reminder that beautiful things continue to pop up all the time.  
"No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow."

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Up When I'm Down

As you know, from my previous post, times have been rough around here. Fortunately, there has been loads of kindness to make me feel better, as well as interesting and funny things to distract me. Here are the highlights...

1.  The audio book of My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor.
I've ran and walked my neighborhood streets morning and afternoon listening to Jill, a brain scientist, who at the age of 37 has a brain hemmorage, a.k.a. stroke!, and not only lived through it, but recovered from it completely and was able to write this book telling us all about it.

I learned so much about my brain, about how the two hemispheres work together, and how unbelievable and magical it is.  I am amazed at what my brain can do. By the end of Jill's audio book, I felt like she was my friend.  She had such an amazing story to tell, and she was able to distract me from my sadness for hours. 

2.  DVDs of "The New Adventures of the Old Christine".

I saw these at the library one day and since a friend of mine had recently mentioned how funny it was, I brought the first season home.  Thank you Julie Louis-Dreyfus for making me laugh.  I've got 5 seasons to work my way thru, but just found out the show was cancelled.  Please!  Somebody!!  Bring it back.  Why was a show like this cancelled?

 3.  Charlie Sheen..."Winning!"

4.  The above were all great distractions.  But I've saved the best, and most meaningful for last. The following are sweet and loving gestures from family, close friends, and friends I've met thru my blog.  Thank you so much for offering up such kindness to me and Fermin. 
Cards in the mail...
flowers on our doorstep...
and all of the phone  calls, emails and comments left on my blog offering sweet condolences.
Thank you so much.