Monday, June 22, 2009


Yes, I know things could be worse. I know that I have very little to complain about.
But I am feeling so bummed out today.

Bummer days are like that. You feel bummed out, and the reasons don't even have to be all that big.

But please, honor me by letting me complain here.

Both of my ears are stopped up- which I've never really experienced. I feel like I'm on an airplane, and I'm either ascending, or descending and I need to chew some gum so I can pop my ears. But I'm on level ground...and there's no popping going on.

Also, I have laryngitis. Which not only feels exhausting but also makes me quite nervous. A few years ago, I had a recurring vocal problem and could never count on my voice to be there when I had a gig. It went on for months, and months. This time, I'm sure it's just a passing thing, but I fear it won't go away quickly. I'm scheduled to sing at 3pm this coming Saturday.

And all I feel like doing is sleeping. So today, while sitting at my kitchen table eating my breakfast and feeling exhausted already I was thinking, WHY am I feeling so bummed out? Is it because I don't feel like my usual self? Is it because my 30s are winding down and I've got this big 40th birthday looming over me? Is it because like a kid, I think my birthday is cause for the world to stop for at least a few hours and say, "YAHOO, KERRI!!"- but I'm pretty sure it's not going to stop?

I found myself crying over missing my mom last night. This still happens and often catches me off guard. Every time it does, I realize feeling sad about her just makes me feel ...sad. There's nothing to be done that makes me feel better, or miss her less. And it will never end.

So boo hoo. I just wanted to write a post of honesty. Not all days are good. I don't always see the bright side of things. I'm an optimistic person, but can feel downright negative at times.

I just hope this mood passes over quickly. I hope my voice returns soon enough. And I hope my ears stop hurting and open up. And I do hope the world will stop- however briefly- on Wednesday to say "YAHOO, KERRI!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am sorry you are having a bummer day... I hope the ears unplug and the throat gets better, and I am sorry about your mom.

I know that loss never goes away but I believe she lives on...and... I don't expect you to be cheerful all the time--Sarah W.