Thursday, March 29, 2007

I Miss You

Two years ago today was my Mom's last day here. I still think of and miss Mom every single day. I've finally gotten where I no longer think, "I need to call her and tell her this..." when I have something I wish I could say to her. I really get it that she isn't here anymore.

But I still dream of her. Often. But unfortunately, in my dreams she still has cancer and her time with me is only temporary. I hope that in time, the cancer part of the dream will just get left behind and Mom will be happy and healthy. That's how I want to see her, because for most of her life, that's how she was.

Some of my memories make me sad, tons make me laugh, most make me happy but all of my memories of Mom are welcome. I wish she came up more often in daily conversation. It feels so good to speak her name and to reminisce about her and I feel like I just don't get enough of it.

So as morbid as it may seem that I'm mentioning that my mom died two years ago on this day, if feels necessary. In ways I've moved on and time has healed, but in other ways, I think I'm no further along in the process of grieving than I was 2 years ago.

I was lucky I had my mom the time that I did. She really was the perfect mom for me. And I think I was a great daughter for her. We matched up well! I know there are parts of her that make up ME and so even on my worst day, I gotta love myself for that!

I love you and I miss you, Mom. I always will.

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