Thursday, September 14, 2006

Pain is NOT Pretty

It is so funny how when you feel bad physically, everything seems to look ugly...

I've had spine "issues" for years. Usually, I know what to avoid so that I don't have major flare ups. But occasionally, something goes wrong, or rather, I do something wrong and then I'm in the vicious cycle of pain. Then I forget that I ever felt okay. For the past 2 weeks my neck has been keeping me from sleeping and I've just been getting progressively more pathetic.

Over the weekend I even had an allergic reaction- Although it's unclear as to what. I think I am allergic to the pain and suffering I've had and my body was just in melt down mode. I woke up Saturday and my eyes were swollen shut and my whole face was puffy and leathery feeling. NOT PRETTY. I looked like I had Elephant Man Syndrome. This lasted throughout the weekend. Little by little, my face is getting back to normal.

But unfortunately, I cannot yet say the same for my neck. So I have been getting up-to-date x-rays, MRIs, exams, etc. only to be reminded of the fact that I have some herniated discs and some weird curves in my spine. When the doctor was looking at the information and saying "woahh...." I felt scared by his alarm. But this is NOT a new diagnosis. I've had lots of times when I haven't had a lot of pain. I'm just in a pain cycle right now.

But it's like when you've had the flu for a few days and you just feel like CRAP and you can't remember when you EVER felt good. You feel like you've been miserable for months when actually, it's not been nearly that long. Then when you finally do feel good, the whole world is literally brighter. Every problem gets smaller. Your personality changes back into a happy, pleasant person. The pretty is back.

I'm writing this to remind myself that this is a temporary condition. I will find the right people to help me. And I will get over my pain. And things are going to be pretty again.

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