Friday, June 2, 2017

Unknowing

I've always "known" I could probably never write a book.

But I love to write.  It's been the most consistent creative outlet throughout my life, beginning with my first diary my dad gave me in 1976 when I was pretty new to the printed word.
Dad's "dedication page" in my first diary! ❤️
I kept diaries throughout my childhood, and as I grew a little older, at some point, I started calling them journals. I still write in a journal somewhat regularly, even now.  I also have a few blogs and I publish posts for those each week.  And, I've written lots of songs.

All of those writing endeavors feel pretty natural to me.  I can plop down and write something complete in one sitting. And then move on. Because I don't ever have any sort of expectation that it's suppose to be something great or hugely important.

And although I've always told myself I could never write a book, I've always wanted to.  Probably most people who write have that as a goal somewhere in their soul.

Lately, I've started to think, maybe I can write a book. It's recently become very clear to me what I want to write my first book about.  And that certainly feels like progress. I plan to write a series of essays based on sentimental artifacts I've come across lately.  This idea shouldn't seem too overwhelming.  After all, it's just essays. On real life topics.  Sounds very much like my blog posts.

Except that it isn't.  It somehow seems so much more important.  I don't even know exactly why. It feels like such a big task before me to figure out how to tell these stories in the best way.  What to include, what to leave out, and how to weave them all together so they feel cohesive.  I want to honor these sentimental valuables and write down the stories that they stir up for me so I will have them forever.

I have been writing most days for the past month, but I still don't feel like I have anything to show for it.  I've started on several essays but haven't even completed writing a first draft for a single one.

But I like it.  I like that this feels like a new endeavor that's going to be very challenging and meaningful to me. I like it that my head sort of hurts after I spend time looking for the right words, and the best paths to tell these stories.

I never said I had to show these essays, this potential book, to anyone.  It's just for me.  Yet, I still find it intimidating. Unlike a blog post, or a song, I can't just write these essays in a day or two and then move on.  I've got to sit with them.  And let things marinate.  And just keep pecking away. And eventually, and hopefully, I'll be happy with the way I tell these stories that are so meaningful to me.

I will soon be on an extended vacation, and I plan to spend a lot of time completing 3 of these essays.  Just three.  And then I can go on from there. I'm not quite sure exactly how many there will be in all, but three rough drafts this month feels like a reasonable goal.

I'm hoping to prove to myself that I've been wrong all this time. Because I'm starting to think that maybe I can write a book.

3 comments:

Valerie said...

I'm positive that you can. Also, keep in mind that there are a LOT of books out there that are collections of peoples' best blog posts. Maybe thinking of your essays in those terms will help you along the way? Your blog has already shown that you're a good writer. I can't wait to read your book!

Kerri said...

Thank you so much, Valerie! :) Yes, I need to think of them more as blog posts, you're right. I'm somehow overwhelmed by all I want to say, I can't figure out how to do it. I keep writing, rewriting, rewriting and not feeling like I'm getting anywhere with it. But I WILL!
Thanks so much for those kind words. :)

smartwritingservice said...

I believe everyone can write, it is just they need some topic to write on and topic of there interest. I know you can also write, just give it a try. All the best :)