Uncomfortably Naked

I was invited to an Artist/Producer meet and greet to a new documentary style show that is starting production soon, called Texas Troubadours.  When I first got their email, I thought I had a conflict.  But as it turned out, I was free, (which is a whole other blog post!) and so I told them yes, I would come.

And then I forgot all about it.  Until the morning of, when my friend who knew of it, called to find out what song I had decided to sing, etc.  Uh oh.  My gut reaction to his call was that I shouldn't go to the meet and greet.  I should just stay home and play with my puppies.   I had a good excuse-- I had totally forgotten all about it and hadn't prepared.

But I hung up the phone, and went out on my 5 mile run and got my thoughts together.  At least a little bit.  I decided what I'd sing.  (Although my friend convinced me later that afternoon to do a different song instead.) And I figured out how I could tell "my story" in a short sound bite.

And really, I know I won't get picked for this thing anyway.  I just wanted to show up.  I never put myself out there.  I miss opportunities due to fear, and then I have to live with my regret. 

When I was younger, I never told anyone I liked to sing.  Or that I knew how to play the guitar.  Until I was about 32 years old. During a cruise with my family, my brother dared me to enter the talent show.  I did, because other than my family, I didn't know anyone there, so I figured I could pull it off, and even if I didn't, who would care?  Well, playing in that stupid little talent show sort of changed my life!

Taking chances, and doing something out of the ordinary can do that.  I know that now.

So that's why I decided to go to this meet and greet thing.  If nothing else, I can chalk it up to an interesting experience I've had. 

Meeting and greeting.

There were about 20 musicians there.  The production people told us a bit about the concept of the show- basically a documentary styled show that will introduce viewers to Texas singer-songwriters, and what a day-in-the-life really looks like.  We were told we had 10 minutes up on stage to tell our 'who, what, why and how', and sing one song.  I was completely thrown off by the fact that I had to do so much talking in front of an audience.  In my head, I thought it was going to just be a Q&A.  I didn't realize everyone there would be listening and watching, and that their would be a camera in my face the whole time. But hello, Kerri?  This is for a TV show, so that does make sense.

one of my ultra cool not posing poses

Well, it didn't go great.  I didn't tell my story well at all.  I got to listen to back to what I had said, because my friend videoed it for me.  I left out parts of my story, and told it out of order.  So it ended up sounding like my story went something like this: in 5th grade, Dad took me on a cruise in which I entered a talent show, which then led to me playing in bars, which is what I still do today.  I meant to say I started playing the guitar in 5th grade.  That I was for some reason shy about it and had never performed in front of anyone, or really pursued anything in the way of music.  I always played music, but just for myself and by myself. And that many, many years later, I went on a cruise with my family and entered a talent show.  After I came back from that, I started booking gigs.  My fear of failure and fear of rejection finally got trumped by a deep yearning to expose myself to other people through my music.

I didn't use up anywhere close to my 10 minutes on that stage.  I came off as someone who had very little to say.  Which isn't really the truth of me at all.  I have a lot to say!!!  But I froze.

In the post performance interview, I think I told one of the producers that I like to write music, but that I don't like to perform.  Which isn't entirely true, however, I do have a tendency to get a good dose of performance anxiety when it matters the most. And I'm sure that really impressed him.  I'm sure he's looking for shy people who can't put words together to form coherent sentences.  That would make super exciting TV!

Ironically, I sang my song, "Naked", which is exactly how I felt.  Naked.  On a fat day.