Yesterday, I opened a drawer as I was putting away clothes. In the bottom of that particular drawer, my fingers touched a small box that a few of my mom's jewelry is held in. It had been years since I took that box out and looked through those things. But for some reason, yesterday I decided to.
I have very few possessions that I still have that were once my mom's. So when I took these things out and held them, I was very in touch with the knowing that her hands had held these same things that my hand were currently holding. And in that moment, I missed her so much. I realized how long it's been since I've seen her. Or talked with her. The words, "Oh... mom" escaped my mouth. And then I started fixating on that word, because I realized I hadn't said it in a long time.
That word, Mom. It was likely the first word I spoke. And one I used so often, for so many years of life. Mom! When I was scared. Mom! When I needed help. And in that moment, yesterday, I found myself saying it over and over and over, "Mom.. Mom.. Mom..Mom..."
And then all of the sudden I was thinking, "What a strange word. It's a word that's just a calming sound. Sort of like Ommmm. Oh! It sounds like a prayer or mediation!"
So after I finished my little breakdown, I put the jewelry back in the box and shut that drawer. But I kept thinking about Mom. And that word, mom.
I bet that word came to be because it's just a natural, human sound that we make, almost automatically. Hmmmm. Ommmm. Mmmmmm. MOM!
It's probably the first word I said. It's certainly the word I miss saying. And she's most definitely the person I most wish I could see again.
1 comment:
What a beautiful post, Kerri. I love it. (((Hugs!)))
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